April 10th, 2010

Readers,

ATTENTION. I NEED YOUR HELP. As you all know (because you keep track), the Daily Routine's 1st Anniversary is approaching on April 21st. It has been a fantastic year filled with ups and downs, laughter and tears (but mostly laughter). However, while this blog's popular

ity has reached levels higher than in my wildest dreams, I have one goal that I still need to achieve.

Since I began tracking the statistics of the Daily Routine in June 2009, I have received visits from 37 of the 50 US states and New Jersey. However, I would like for it to achieve total and widespread proliferation throughout this great nation. Therefore, I am soliciting your help. If you know anyone in Delaware, Idaho, North or South Dakota, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Missi

ssippi, Alabama, Alaska or Hawaii, send them a link to www.thedailyroutine.net before April 21st. They don't even have to read it. But they should.

More updates to follow on just how popular TDR is.

Wednesday, April 7th

Team,

I have been severely disappointed in the number of submissions to the Write for TDR competition (0). The contest is still open so send them in and give me some indication that people actually still read this. If you win, you will receive an iPad.*

Anyhow, I have had little time to work on TDR recently and for that I apologize. However, I saw a story the other day that was so good that I couldn't resist sharing it here. And that brings us to today's Daily Topic: DEAD PEOPLE ON PLANES

On Tuesday, two women were arrested at the John Lennon Airport in Liverpool, England, for trying to board a plane with a dead body. The two women, the widow and step-daughter of the deceased man, claimed that he was sleeping in his wheelchair, when, in actuality, he was indeed dead. When going through security, they claimed the man, who was 91 and wearing sunglasses, was asleep. The family, who was German, were trying to avoid the fees necessary to transport the body out of England.

While the women were arrested for failing to report a death, I think there is a deeper issue here that is not being addressed: DISCRIMINATION

Is it fair to deny someone who has rightfully paid for a seat just because he no longer has a pulse? I think not. If people can book tickets for their pet, or for their other butt cheek, why not for a dead relative?

For that matter, why should dead people have to even pay for a seat? Pregnant women don't need to purchase two tickets to fly with an unborn baby. These are all legitimate questions. And it is a travesty that we allow such gross discrimination against the vitally-challenged. Airlines are quick to accommodate people in wheelchairs. They get to board the plane first, get preference in seating etc. Why should that change if it's a dead person in a wheelchair? Isn't death just a severe disability?

That is why I am planning a Dead Emigrants Against Discrimination (DEAD) rally at LAX to protest discrimination against the deceased who are trying to leave the country that they pass away in. I am expecting a great turnout.

On a lighter note, this will be a perfect sequel to "Snakes on a Plane."

-ROF

Daily Food: Grilled Cheese

Daily Reading: http://thingsyjsays.blogspot.com

Daily Activity: Dressing Like a Lax Bro

Daily Song: Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Daily Attire: Turf Dogs, Mid-Calfs, Nice Shorts, A Lax Pinnie, A Croakie and a Sweet Pair of Shades

Daily News Everyone Should Care About: Kyrgyzstan Opposition Sets Up "Peoples Government"

Daily News No One Should Care About: Palin, Bachmann Rally Conservatives

Daily Life Goal: To Fly, Undiscriminated Against, For the Rest of My Life (And Beyond)

Daily Drink: Firestone Pale Ale

Daily Complaint: ------------

Daily Video:

*No you won't

Thursday March 11th

Amigos,

I anticipate, with the approach of the spring recess, an opportunity to catch up on my true love of blogging. While We the People might be more informative, TDR is much more fun. Which may explain all of the problems that I outline in We the People.

Anyhow, while I still have one major assignment remaining this week before I am truly on break, I wanted to announce the start of an idea that has been brewing in the back of my mind for some time:

Yes, it is your chance to be the lucky author of a TDR blog post. We at The Daily Routine will be holding a contest for the remainder of the month of March. You, the attentive and faithful TDR reader that you are, must do your best to write an entertaining, humorous and informative (all the things I do so well) post about the topic of your choice, in a similar style of a typical TDR post. A few stipulations:

1. English required

2. No plagiarism

3. Please appreciate the effort it takes to find a topic and write such a post

4. Try to avoid previous posting topics

5. Hippies Use Side Door

6. Entries by members of known terrorist organizations will be considered void.

7. If your name is Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, your post will only be considered if you agree not to develop nuclear weapons.

8. Please, nothing about celebrities. Or Twitter. I hate Twitter.

9. Personal "Daily" list required. Feel free to add your own categories.

10. You don't talk about Fight Club

11. Red Right Returning

12. Bribes Accepted*

All entries are due by March 31st, 2010. The winner's post will be published and the winner shall receive a monetary prize equal to half of The Daily Routine's monthly income. Please submit entries to thedailyroutineonline@gmail.com.

*Bribes are no guarantee of winning the contest

Wednesday, February 3rd

Routiners,

Here at the Daily Routine, things have been quite hectic. Our editor has been in the midst of a developing project (We The People...), our Foreign Language Advisor has been bogged down with one Spanish assignment after another and in depth research into the culture of the ancient Aztecs and Mayans, our Foreign Affairs correspondent has been tied up with work in the fields of Russian and Soviet Foreign Policy as well as International Security studies, and the director of our Athletic Department has been busy shredding powder in Mammoth (5 days in the last two weeks). Additionally, the Daily Routine is opening a Campaign Management branch and will be planning a campaign fundraiser for Senator Barbara Boxer's upcoming senatorial campaign. Finally, our Animal Control Department was busy caring for a lost dog which found its way to our headquarters last weekend.

But let's get back to what is important. I don't know about you but one of my favorite past times is exploring uninhabitable places. There's nothing better then living for weeks on end in a desert surrounded by sand. But sometimes, wandering around with a tent, two CamelBaks and a case of Clif Bars can be cumbersome and tiring. I have often thought of ways to make my desert and jungle-exploring experience just a tad better. And that brings us to our Daily Topic: UNICATS

Yes, welcome to the world of super-luxury off-road RVs. For just around $500,000, you too can "explore without boundaries," just like I am able to in my UNICAT EX58-HDhm / MAN TGA 4x4 (pictured above). With a kitchen, bathroom, couch, table, dishwasher, refrigerator, queen bed, microwave, TV and washer (and of course, a car), it officially has more amenities than my apartment.

Although it is sometimes difficult to park my UNICAT in Los Angeles, you can't beat the gas mileage of 3 miles per gallon. It is also a nifty place to store my original Gauguin (a requirement for purchase is that you own at least four multimillion dollar pieces of artwork).

Back in the olden days, camping and exploring required things like tents, canteens, a good pair of hiking boots and a grizzled beard. But now you can say goodbye to the days of sleeping bags and backpacks and hello to five-star amenities in your trek across the African Savannah. It is a well documented fact that the UNICAT was exactly what Teddy Roosevelt and John Muir had in mind when they established the first American National Parks. Because what better way is there to experience the wild than from a couch through a pane of glass?

The UNICAT takes to heart the rule of "leave only tracks," leaving in its wake foot-deep ruts through the rainforest floor. According to the UNICAT website, I am able to "see people and places that others can only dream of." Additionally, I can deliver man-made pollution to places on Earth never thought imaginable, thereby absolving even the most remote civilizations of any guilt they might have over the fact that their societies are so much more pristine than ours.

Forget the Hummer, this is the wave of the future.
-ROF

Daily Absurdly Oversized Vehicle: UNICAT EX58-HDhm / MAN TGA 4x4

Daily Food: Free Tacos

Daily Activity: NYT Crossword

Daily Song: Crazy Game of Poker - O.A.R

Daily Attire: Madras Shorts

Daily News Everyone Should Care About: Top Defense Officials Seek to End "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

Daily News No One Should Care About: Posting on Facebook a New Relationship Issue

Daily Life Goal: Drive My UNICAT From Pole to Pole

Daily Drink: Free Coca Cola

Daily Complaint: Russian and Soviet Foreign Policy

Saturday January 9th

My Friends,

It has been too long. After a restful and productive winter hiatus, I am on my way back to work both in school and on the Daily Routine. I hope that 2010 finds you all in good spirits. It finds me once again at 36,000 feet above sea level in a Virgin America plane. And while I could have spent my hours playing "Tower Toppler," an inflight game where "you play a small green guy who needs to blow up eight towers, because their presence is poisoning the waters of planets," I found that bringing you a Daily Routine was much more fulfilling than promoting either video games or eco-terrorism. Currently I am over the great state of Nebraska, where, sadly, I have only one Daily Routine page view ever. But while I am currently occupying space in the lower atmosphere, more pressing issues are afoot a bit more outside our planetary realm. And that brings us to today's Daily Topic: KILLER ASTEROIDS TO DESTROY EARTH

Yes, grab your shovels and start digging an impact shelter in you back yard because the colossal "Apophis" asteroid is headed your way. Maybe.

Recently, according to the Wall Street Journal, The Russian Space Agency convened to brainstorm methods of deflecting or destroying the 1,000 ft diameter asteroid which is scheduled to pass by Earth in 2029 and, according to some, is in danger of returning in 2036 to decimate Earth. (I almost feel sorry for the asteroid. Living in a neighborhood hardened by crime, I know how frustrating it is when your drive-by shooting attempts are unsuccessful on the first time around.)

Although most scientists put the odds of a collision with the asteroid at 1 in 100,000, the possible impacts (no pun intended) of such an event would be catastrophic. In 1908, an asteroid which scientists believe to have been only 1/10th the size of Apophis struck Siberia with a force 1000 times that of the Hiroshima atomic bomb. The result was the leveling of over 100 million trees in Russia's desolate Siberian forests. Scientists are still debating whether they made noise when they fell.

While Russian scientists have acknowledged that they would not pursue actions involving nuclear destruction of the asteroid, suggestions on how to deflect the asteroid have harkened on even the most wild fantasies of Sci-Fi novelists. Along with ideas to either push or pull the asteroid of its course while it is still far from our planet, my favorite is the proposed use of mirrors or reflective paint to use the power of the sun to deflect the asteroid away.

Should the asteroid hit the earth, the loss of life could range in the hundreds of thousands. While the 1908 Siberia asteroid is often referred to as the "city buster," Apophis could likely destroy a region the size of the country of France.

The United States has taken a contrary approach to that of Russia. Using the plans from Ronald Reagan's Star Wars and George Lucas' Death Star, the US will attempt, using a laser, to separate the asteroid into pieces and guide them into parts of Afghanistan, Iraq, and now, Yemen.

While, in truth, American scientists have dismissed the threat of Apophis because of the infinitesimally small chances of a collision, I have determined why Russia has an unmatched sense of urgency. There is a popular joke/urban legend that NASA spent tens of thousands of dollars to develop a pen that would write in space, while the Soviet Union used pencils. Well when Apophis destroys all their trees, good luck finding wood for a pencil? I guess the joke is on them.

Over (Colorado) and out,

-ROF

Daily Food: Papa Ginos

Daily Activity: Air Travel

Daily Song: Caterpillar - The Disco Biscuts

Daily Attire: Red Sox Hats

Daily News Everyone Should Care About: Court Rulings Erode Spending Restrictions for Elections

Daily News No One Should Care About: New "Balloon Boy" Takeoff Video Airs

Daily Life Goal: Build a Death Star

Daily Drink: Free Coca Cola

Daily Complaint: No Free Food

Daily Book: True Compass - Ted Kennedy

Daily Movie: Michael Collins