Wednesday, February 3rd

Routiners,

Here at the Daily Routine, things have been quite hectic. Our editor has been in the midst of a developing project (We The People...), our Foreign Language Advisor has been bogged down with one Spanish assignment after another and in depth research into the culture of the ancient Aztecs and Mayans, our Foreign Affairs correspondent has been tied up with work in the fields of Russian and Soviet Foreign Policy as well as International Security studies, and the director of our Athletic Department has been busy shredding powder in Mammoth (5 days in the last two weeks). Additionally, the Daily Routine is opening a Campaign Management branch and will be planning a campaign fundraiser for Senator Barbara Boxer's upcoming senatorial campaign. Finally, our Animal Control Department was busy caring for a lost dog which found its way to our headquarters last weekend.

But let's get back to what is important. I don't know about you but one of my favorite past times is exploring uninhabitable places. There's nothing better then living for weeks on end in a desert surrounded by sand. But sometimes, wandering around with a tent, two CamelBaks and a case of Clif Bars can be cumbersome and tiring. I have often thought of ways to make my desert and jungle-exploring experience just a tad better. And that brings us to our Daily Topic: UNICATS

Yes, welcome to the world of super-luxury off-road RVs. For just around $500,000, you too can "explore without boundaries," just like I am able to in my UNICAT EX58-HDhm / MAN TGA 4x4 (pictured above). With a kitchen, bathroom, couch, table, dishwasher, refrigerator, queen bed, microwave, TV and washer (and of course, a car), it officially has more amenities than my apartment.

Although it is sometimes difficult to park my UNICAT in Los Angeles, you can't beat the gas mileage of 3 miles per gallon. It is also a nifty place to store my original Gauguin (a requirement for purchase is that you own at least four multimillion dollar pieces of artwork).

Back in the olden days, camping and exploring required things like tents, canteens, a good pair of hiking boots and a grizzled beard. But now you can say goodbye to the days of sleeping bags and backpacks and hello to five-star amenities in your trek across the African Savannah. It is a well documented fact that the UNICAT was exactly what Teddy Roosevelt and John Muir had in mind when they established the first American National Parks. Because what better way is there to experience the wild than from a couch through a pane of glass?

The UNICAT takes to heart the rule of "leave only tracks," leaving in its wake foot-deep ruts through the rainforest floor. According to the UNICAT website, I am able to "see people and places that others can only dream of." Additionally, I can deliver man-made pollution to places on Earth never thought imaginable, thereby absolving even the most remote civilizations of any guilt they might have over the fact that their societies are so much more pristine than ours.

Forget the Hummer, this is the wave of the future.
-ROF

Daily Absurdly Oversized Vehicle: UNICAT EX58-HDhm / MAN TGA 4x4

Daily Food: Free Tacos

Daily Activity: NYT Crossword

Daily Song: Crazy Game of Poker - O.A.R

Daily Attire: Madras Shorts

Daily News Everyone Should Care About: Top Defense Officials Seek to End "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

Daily News No One Should Care About: Posting on Facebook a New Relationship Issue

Daily Life Goal: Drive My UNICAT From Pole to Pole

Daily Drink: Free Coca Cola

Daily Complaint: Russian and Soviet Foreign Policy

Saturday January 9th

My Friends,

It has been too long. After a restful and productive winter hiatus, I am on my way back to work both in school and on the Daily Routine. I hope that 2010 finds you all in good spirits. It finds me once again at 36,000 feet above sea level in a Virgin America plane. And while I could have spent my hours playing "Tower Toppler," an inflight game where "you play a small green guy who needs to blow up eight towers, because their presence is poisoning the waters of planets," I found that bringing you a Daily Routine was much more fulfilling than promoting either video games or eco-terrorism. Currently I am over the great state of Nebraska, where, sadly, I have only one Daily Routine page view ever. But while I am currently occupying space in the lower atmosphere, more pressing issues are afoot a bit more outside our planetary realm. And that brings us to today's Daily Topic: KILLER ASTEROIDS TO DESTROY EARTH

Yes, grab your shovels and start digging an impact shelter in you back yard because the colossal "Apophis" asteroid is headed your way. Maybe.

Recently, according to the Wall Street Journal, The Russian Space Agency convened to brainstorm methods of deflecting or destroying the 1,000 ft diameter asteroid which is scheduled to pass by Earth in 2029 and, according to some, is in danger of returning in 2036 to decimate Earth. (I almost feel sorry for the asteroid. Living in a neighborhood hardened by crime, I know how frustrating it is when your drive-by shooting attempts are unsuccessful on the first time around.)

Although most scientists put the odds of a collision with the asteroid at 1 in 100,000, the possible impacts (no pun intended) of such an event would be catastrophic. In 1908, an asteroid which scientists believe to have been only 1/10th the size of Apophis struck Siberia with a force 1000 times that of the Hiroshima atomic bomb. The result was the leveling of over 100 million trees in Russia's desolate Siberian forests. Scientists are still debating whether they made noise when they fell.

While Russian scientists have acknowledged that they would not pursue actions involving nuclear destruction of the asteroid, suggestions on how to deflect the asteroid have harkened on even the most wild fantasies of Sci-Fi novelists. Along with ideas to either push or pull the asteroid of its course while it is still far from our planet, my favorite is the proposed use of mirrors or reflective paint to use the power of the sun to deflect the asteroid away.

Should the asteroid hit the earth, the loss of life could range in the hundreds of thousands. While the 1908 Siberia asteroid is often referred to as the "city buster," Apophis could likely destroy a region the size of the country of France.

The United States has taken a contrary approach to that of Russia. Using the plans from Ronald Reagan's Star Wars and George Lucas' Death Star, the US will attempt, using a laser, to separate the asteroid into pieces and guide them into parts of Afghanistan, Iraq, and now, Yemen.

While, in truth, American scientists have dismissed the threat of Apophis because of the infinitesimally small chances of a collision, I have determined why Russia has an unmatched sense of urgency. There is a popular joke/urban legend that NASA spent tens of thousands of dollars to develop a pen that would write in space, while the Soviet Union used pencils. Well when Apophis destroys all their trees, good luck finding wood for a pencil? I guess the joke is on them.

Over (Colorado) and out,

-ROF

Daily Food: Papa Ginos

Daily Activity: Air Travel

Daily Song: Caterpillar - The Disco Biscuts

Daily Attire: Red Sox Hats

Daily News Everyone Should Care About: Court Rulings Erode Spending Restrictions for Elections

Daily News No One Should Care About: New "Balloon Boy" Takeoff Video Airs

Daily Life Goal: Build a Death Star

Daily Drink: Free Coca Cola

Daily Complaint: No Free Food

Daily Book: True Compass - Ted Kennedy

Daily Movie: Michael Collins