Sunday August 23rd

Avast,

Well readers, the summer has come to a close. Tomorrow, college students across the land will shoulder up their back packs and sleepily drag their feet to their morning classes. I, however, given my rigorous schedule of two days of class per week, will not. What shenanigans shall tomorrow hold? Only time will tell. But although I, as are we all, am weary to begin classes, being back at school for the past week and half has proven a relaxing experience.

But being back at college also means leaving the warm comfort of home where all necessities and luxuries are close within reach and returning to a life of scrimping, saving, scavengering and sometimes, improvising. As a poor college student, I sometimes don't have the pleasure of having a tool for every job. How I have survived the last week without a power mixer, a circular saw, a candle-extinguisher, a magic duster and a lawn mower, I will never know. But the beauty of such a situation is that it spurs the spirit of improvisation that lies deep within every college student. And that's why today's Daily Topic is: IMPROVISATIONS FOR LIFE IN COLLEGE



I have compiled a short list of several basic household items that can easily serve two or more purposes for a college student in need. And they are:

1. Ever feel the need to wash that spot right in the middle of your back? A handy toilet brush can easily double as a back scrubber in your shower, and you don't have to walk that far to get it!

2. Chef's knife as a straight razor. Razor blades are expensive. Save your money for things that matter. Like beer. Perfect your straight razor technique on you and then charge your roommates for a hot shave.

3. Toilet paper as a notebook. Don't have time to pick up a notebook for class? Bring a roll of toilet paper and give yourself a never ending scroll to take notes on. Jack Kerouac wrote "On the Road" on hundreds of sheets of paper taped together. Same principle. Just remember not to mix up your rolls before your midterms.

4. A bath towel makes a great bed sheet. Sure, they are a bit shorter than the average human but who actually sleeps lying down perfectly straight? Curl up under your towel and you're set to jump in the shower as soon as you wake up.

5. House cleaners are expensive. If you want to clean up after a party, find one of the many nice people who live on the streets and offer him all of your cans from the night before in exchange for a bit of cleaning. Be sure to let him know he is welcome to finish what's left in all of them.

6. You can never have too many cups. In fact, cups are really all you need. Do you know what you can't eat out of a cup? Nothing. Scrambled eggs, pasta, chips and bagel bites (the staples of any college campus) can all be easily eaten from cups. Skip the plates and bowls and even silverware. Just fill up a cup and drink away.

7. Save on your cell phone bills by rigging an elaborate tin can phone system between your room and the rooms around you. Also, master Morse code to cut down on your amount of text messages.

8. Finally, food is just so expensive. Do you know how many Pabst Blue Ribbons it takes to get your daily 2000 calories? 13. How perfect is that math? It's also perfect as a substitute for milk in your cereal.

-ROF

Daily Food: Subway

Daily Activity: Swimming

Daily Song: Spinning Compass - Langhorne Slim

Daily Attire: Theta Hat

Daily News Everyone Should Care About: Asia's Recovery Highlights China's Ascendency

Daily News No One Should Care About: Miley Cyrus Spotted "Full-On Making Out"

Daily Life Goal: Take Impeccable Notes, Maintain a 4.0 Average While Working Out Every Day and All That Other Beginning of the School Year Nonsense

Daily Complaint: The Red Sox

Daily Drink: Efujon Energy Drink

Daily Television: Entourage

Daily Movie: Who Killed the Electric Car?

Daily Book: Spectrum of Terror - R. Hrair Dekmejian